The Confidence Series: Style confidence, how to have it and dress outside of your comfort zone.
Dress the way YOU want to!
Taken from my speech at the We are Rural Women event in Dowerin, 24 March 2021.
I get asked a lot by my followers, friends and family members for style advice. They like the way I dress and the clothes I wear but also I think, actually I know, that what most people are attracted to is my CONFIDENCE to wear what I WANT.
And that’s what I want to talk about today. How to gain that confidence to wear the things YOU WANT TO WEAR. Because wearing clothes you feel confident in can definitely make you feel more confident as a person, in business, in life, honestly, it can help so much. I could tell you WHAT to wear, I could recommend brands and stores and people to follow, but unless you feel amazing in those clothes, you’re not going to wear them.
I find this confidence issue for most people comes down to one thing FEAR OF JUDGMENT. I think most of us are worried about the judgment of others. I know I’m guilty. But in the last few years, I have really tried to reframe my thinking. HOW many times do I look at someone and JUDGE them for what they look like? More often than not, in my 30s, I am looking at someone and admiring their choices. So why do I think that people will judge me??? Let that sink in!
But people will judge. Some will, its human nature and we all know it happens (we’ve all been guilty too). But if you don’t know what they’re thinking then you shouldn’t even care. And if they do judge you and let you know about it then GUESS WHAT – that’s a THEM problem, not a YOU problem. If you feel great and KNOW you love yourself then that’s ALL that matters.
This brings me to THE FASHION RULES. Those rules we’ve all grown up with. That we’ve had others in our family drum into us. Don’t wear this colour with that colour. Don’t wear this style if you look like this. Yes, some of these rules have their place and can help us to choose certain things when shopping, but they don’t matter A LICK if they’re preventing you from wearing something that you WANT to wear.
In my case its anything tight. Or pleated. I’ve had two babies. My stomach IS NOT flat. And once upon a time, I let that hold me back. I stopped wearing dresses I love, didn’t pick up things in the shop that really spoke to me, because I thought ‘I have a tummy, I can’t wear that’. And then I started to think – WELL WHY NOT?! A tummy is a body part. Let me say that again. IT’S A BODY PART. We all have one. They’re various shapes and sizes. They may have housed babies. Or given us medical issues. And we should not be letting them dictate our clothing choices – any more than we let our big toe dictate our choices! So now that is what I try to think about when I find myself limiting my choices – IT IS A BODY PART. Nothing more. And I will wear the things I love no matter what it looks like!
Now, I hear you saying, that’s all well and good Bree but how do I take that next step. How do I go from buying that item that lights my fire to actually WEARING it in public?
I’ve been there. OH, I have been there. You put something on. You LOVED it in the shop. You KNOW you feel great in it. But that fear. That fear of judgment is STILL stopping you from leaving the house. SO you change into 50 different outfits before you leave and end up wearing the same thing as always. You feel good, but you KNOW the first outfit would’ve been great for your soul.
SO, here is some advice I have given to my followers on Instagram that they have told me they’ve LOVED, USED and have found have worked for them when it came to dressing outside of their comfort zone.
Send a pic to a friend
If you're unsure about an outfit send a pic to a trusted friend. Most of us see flaws that aren't obvious to others and a good friend will give you an honest opinion that your eyes may not reflect.
Get dressed and go.
Don't spend hours in front of the mirror picking apart your outfit. Put it on, trust your choice, and LEAVE. This also helps as you will usually be trying it on with tan/hair/makeup etc so your view won't be skewed.
Start small. If you're STILL unsure and stuck in your 'uniform' then branch out by getting a 'safe' item (ie a cut or style you are comfortable wearing) but in a bright colour or loud print. OR vice versa, safe colour, a different item of clothing -- a mini skirt, a crop top, etc. This should help you to dip your toe outside that comfort zone but you will still feel safe enough to leave the house with confidence!
And last of all…
If you love it, wear it. 'Nuff said. Nike principle babe!
Now, if any of this resonates with you, feel free to slide into my DMs and we can chat about it further or I can remind you of these tips – I have had so many followers tell me that they’ve done these things and its made them feel AMAZING. I tell you these messages make my heart SING and it makes me so happy that I can help people live their best STYLE life. These are totally the things that helped me, so I really hope they can help you too!
To finish up I thought I would talk about COLOUR. As you can see, I LOVE COLOUR. And if you look at my insta feed you will definitely see that too. So many people say to me ‘I wish I could be brave enough to wear colour like you’ – UM, YOU CAN. I used to only wear black and now hear I am in a yellow dress with pink hair – so yes I kinda like colour!
I know for some people bright colours can be super scary – but take it from me, they can make you feel so fabulous. So if you wanna wear colour, and need to know where to start, here are a few of my tips:
Start with accessories! There are so many amazing BRIGHT jewellery makers out there -- start there and you will soon be wanting more!
Add one piece at a time. If you're a jeans wearer add a bright cardi/blazer with a white tee, or if you love black add a neon shoe to your ensemble.
Go for prints! If the thought of a bright, block-colour is too much, check out some fabbo prints that mix brights with some colours you may be more comfortable with.
So there you go! That’s just some advice and tips I have for dressing confidently, wearing what YOU want to wear, and not giving a DAMN about what people think!
Also, if you want to audit your wardrobe, or need help actually shopping for said items, need a little guidance, you can definitely get the help of a stylist! Stylists are fab for helping you to find your own amazing personal style and guiding you to choosing items that won’t hang in that wardrobe gathering dust.
I really hope you found some value in what I have said. I have learnt so much about myself through style over the last few years and I am SO passionate about helping others to do the same. I want you to FEEL like your most FABULOUS self each and EVERY day.
This speech was part of the We are Rural Women event in Dowerin WA, where I was also the MC. If you would like to book me for your next event just flick me an email and we can chat!